The Little Problems in Life
by ai-08
Summary: Roy gets more than he bargained for when he has to babysit the Elric brothers. Staring young!Ed, Al, and Winry and WTFamIdoingbabysitting!Roy [complete]
1. Prologue

**The Little Problems in Life**  
Prologue

At the age of seventeen, Roy Mustang still may not have known what he wanted, but one thing was for sure; he knew what he _didn't_ want. And what he didn't want was to be stuck babysitting a wide-eyed, drippy nose toddler and his brat of an older brother. Alas, the fates (actually, it was just his mother and their next door neighbor) were against him and some how or another they saw it fit to punish him.

For what? He was still trying to figure that one out. (But it may have had something to do with wrecking his mother's car- he'd never get the hang of that driving business…) How they thought that a boy who couldn't manage a car could manage two children he wasn't sure, but either way he was stuck with them; the Elric Brothers.

The younger, Al, was a sweet natured, polite and bubbly boy who was eager to please, but a bit shy. (Or so he was described.) The other, Ed, from what he had heard, was nothing (pardon the horrible pun) short of a monster. Roy was familiar with the proverbial judgment of books by their covers though, and he had never been much for passing one without due cause.

Even though he was more than sure that they'd be bratty and smell and just down right ornery…

Roy sighed, ran a hand through his raven hair, and knocked on the Elric's door. It opened. _Odd,_ he thought. There was no one there. "Hello?" He poked his head inside. He hoped against hope that somehow they had managed to catch their deaths in the time that it took his mother to call them and then send him over, but some how he found that slightly unreasonable, not to mention unlikely. If the oldest Elric boy was as bad as the neighbors made him out to be, Roy didn't even think a virus would want to be near him.

"Hell-" he started to call again, but was promptly kicked in the shin.

Roy assumed that he had just met Edward.


	2. Chapter One

A/N: Holy mess! It's been over a year! As planned, here's some more of the story. I've decided to make this into a longish two part deal. Let me know what you think! CC is always welcome!! And oh yeah- **I'm looking for a beta**. Please let me know if you're interested!!

**The Little Problems in Life**  
-_-Chapter One-_

An hour later, a lovely bruise had started to form on Roy's leg and the day hadn't gotten any better since then. Lunch time was proving to be particularly difficult.

Edward sat in his seat at the table, picking at his peas listlessly. "Make me some cookies." He demanded with a pout. "Peas are icky."

Roy slouched forward in his seat and glanced at the younger Elric who happily shoved pea after little pea into his mouth without complaint. He liked that kid; he was quiet and, more importantly, he _obeyed_.

"Eat your dinner," Roy said firmly. Ed pushed his plate away defiantly and crossed his arms over his chest. "No!" he said, bottom lip poking out even further. Roy thought that if he kept that up, it was going to fall off. Not that that would be a bad thing. An Edward with no mouth would be heaven.

Roy sighed. It had already been a long day…

For the first five minutes after Mrs. Elric had left Al had sat by the window, teary eyed, and Edward had pitched a fit, wanting to know why he couldn't go with her or why he couldn't stay with Auntie Pinako and Winry. Telling him that their mother would be home soon and that the Rockbell's were attending a wedding had done nothing to appease them.

Between the pitiful wails of Alphonse and the shrieks and howls of Edward, Roy hadn't know whose life he wanted to take more: his or theirs.

Instead he had opted to do what usually entertained children, at least for a little while. Sighing, he'd swallowed his pride and made a face at them.

Sticking his tongue out he'd gone cross-eyed and tugged on his ears. "Nyeh!"

Silence immediately ensued.

"Oh thank god," he muttered, letting go of his ear lobes. The minute he'd stopped making the face though, Al's lip began to quiver and Ed started to screech like a banshee again, this time mixing up the act a bit with a stomp or two thrown in for fun.

"No no no!" he'd said. "See, look!" He made a ('shoot me now,' he thought) piggy face and snorted for good measure. The brothers burst into giggles, and after that he had coaxed them into playing little games to keep their mind off of their mother's absence.

Roy had decided that he didn't much care for playing games with Ed though after a particularly deadly round of 'Simon Says', compliments of the older Elric brother.

After that Al had begun to get sleepy and went up to Roy, holding his arms up. "Nap," he'd said. Roy had picked him up, rubbing circles in his back. He laid him down and tucked him in, brushing a few strands of blond hair from his face. The little boy had already fallen asleep. Roy smiled. "Sweet dreams little guy."

He'd walked back out to the living room, certain that the reason Edward was being unbearable was because he needed some sleep as well. "Ed?" He looked around. "You ready for your nap?"

Edward was no where to be found.

"Shit," he'd mumbled, trying not to panic.

"Mama doesn't like those words," he'd heard a voice from… above? He stepped back and looked around. "Ed? Is that you?"

He'd looked from the couch to the table to the- his eyes widened in absolute horror- the bookcase. Edward had scaled the freaking bookcase!

"Can't catch me!" He'd stuck his tongue out. "I'm too big to take a stinkin' nap."

"Edward Elric if you do not get down from there this instant I will-" his words were cut off when the bookcase began to wobble. Ed stopped taunting his immediately and gave him a helpless look.

"I wanna get down now," Ed had said with a small voice.

Roy hadn't been sure how to go about _getting_ him down. He couldn't very well climb up and grab him, the bookcase would fall over and kill them both! The only thing they could do was…

"Ed, jump."

"Nu-uh!"

"Come on, it's the only way to get you down," Roy had said softly. "Come on, kiddo, I'll catch you."

Edward had shaken his head and scooted back, but the bookcase began to tip. "Jump!" Roy had said, more firmly this time. Frightened, Edward stood; half crouched over, and jumped.

For a split second he had been air born, before he latched onto Roy's face, causing him to stagger and fall backwards. "Oof!"

Edward had gotten off of him, stepping on his face in the process, and dusted himself off.

"I'm kinda sleepy now," He'd said.

The nap hadn't lasted for more than half an hour, and both had woken with hungry bellies.

Oddly enough, one of the boys had lost their appetite when he learned that he'd have to eat vegetables.

Roy felt like his day had just been one trying experience after another.

"I want cookies!" Edward said again.

"I'm finished!" Al exclaimed, smiling, peas all over his face. Roy grinned. "Alright!" he said, ignoring the contrary brother. "Want to help me bake some cookies?"

Edward's eyes widen in disbelief. "But _I_ want cookies!" he said.

Roy fixed a stony glare on the older blond. "You'll get a cookie as soon as that," he pointed to the plate, "is clean." Ed gulped and nodded.

Roy took Al's empty plate and walked into the kitchen, the younger Elric following after him. Edward stared at the evil little green things and suddenly an idea came to him. He smiled. Roy hadn't specified _how_ to clean off his plate…

A few moments later a loud knock could be heard at the front door. "I'll get it!" Ed said. "Wait!" Roy called, coming out of the kitchen with a doughy hand print on his face and an equally messy Alphonse in his arms.

Ed beat him to the door.

"Winry!" he said. "Winry!" Al echoed, squirming to get down. Roy, with a sinking feeling in his gut, nearly dropped him. 'No,' he thought, 'two is bad enough…'

Winry Rockbell, all pomp and circumstance, strutted into the Elric's home wearing a pretty pink dress and carrying a bouquet of flowers. "Let's play wedding!" she said.

Both boys grinned. "Let's go outside!" Ed said.

Roy tried to stop them, he honestly did, but the little heathens were just so _fast!_ He supposed they'd be alright. They'd be exchanging wedding vows, not pointy objects, and he could see them clearly from the window, so long as they didn't wander.

He opened the window. "Don't wander!" he shouted, just to be on the safe side. He placed the cookies into the oven, set the timer, then leaned on the counter, watching them play. Winry had both boys by their arms, saying something and having them repeat it. A minute later she ran a little ways from them, motioning with her flowers, and turned around. She tossed them behind her, and Ed and Al made a mad dash for the bouquet.

Al grabbed them first, but Edward snatched them from him. A nasty tug-of-war ensued until the flowers tore and Ed, having the disadvantage of being on the down side of a hill, fell backwards and rolled for a bit.

"Shit!" Roy said, running out the back door.

Winry was crying over her flowers, Al looked near tears himself, and Ed, well, Ed was just _dirty_. "You ok?" Roy asked, walking down to him. Edward stood up without his assistance and grinned, dirt smudging his face. "That was fun!" he said.

Roy shook his head. 'I can't deal with this. I'm gonna go insane if they pull another stunt.' He thought.

He marched them all back into the house and sat Al and Winry on the couch. "Don't move," he said. "We'll be right back."

He drug a reluctant Edward to the bathroom, plugged the tub, and turned the water on. He helped him get undressed, but when he unbuttoned his pants something cold and squishy met his hands. 'What the?' he thought and pulled his hand away.

Ed smiled sheepishly.

"Peas," Roy deadpanned.

When the tub was filled with warm water, he sat the butt naked four year old in it and began to scrub mercilessly at his hair. Ed splashed around for a bit and helped wash himself up a little because he was a "big boy". Roy rolled his eyes and wondered how someone who didn't even come up to his hips could call himself big.

"Let's play wedding!" Ed said suddenly. "It's real fun, Roy!"

He laughed. "Sure, ok."

Edward munched on his bottom lip, trying to remember what to say. "I think it goes something like…" He thought for a moment longer. "I got it!" He cleared his throat and looked up at Roy, completely serious. "Do you, Roy, take me, Ed, to be your awfully wetted husband until you're dead?"

Roy tried his best not to laugh at Edward's interesting rendition of the marriage vows (and the fact that he got to be the wife). "I do," he said, trying to sound just as somber as the boy. "And do you, Ed, take me, Roy, to be you're…" He searched for the right words, but decided to use Ed's version. It was more humorous anyways. "Awfully wetted, erm, wife?"

But before he could answer, a distressed Al and Winry burst through the door.

"The cookies!" Winry shouted.

"They're burning…" Al said.

Ed and Roy shared a sigh of disappointment.

A/N: One More chapter and an epilogue, and then its on to part II, the good stuff. :)


	3. Chapter Two

A/N: This chapter's more somber than originally planned, sorry if you were looking for more fluffy humor. ;;; As always, CC welcome!! And **I'm **(still) **looking for a beta**. Thanks for reading!

**The Little Problems in Life**  
-_-Chapter Two-_

Roy wrapped Edward in an old towel and walked into the kitchen, quickly followed by three pairs of tiny feet. He cringed when he saw the state of the oven. If he hadn't left the window open, the room would have been filled with smoke by now.

He opened the oven to assess the damage and through the smoke, twelve pitiful, charred-beyond-salvation cookies greeted his gaze. "Anyone up for some charcoal?" he asked, trying to make a joke. His efforts were met with the silence and callous glares of scorned children. He sighed.

"We don't get a snack?" Al asked, looking from his brother to Roy, who tapped his chin thoughtfully. "There's got to be something else to eat…" he muttered. Spotting the pantry, he opened it and searched through its contents. "Ah-ha!"

The children rushed over to him, standing on their tip-toes and tugging on his shirt, trying to see what is was that he had found. A smile on his face, he turned around slowly, holding up a plastic bag.

"Anyone up for roasting marshmallows?"

Four arms (Ed raised both of his) shot up in the air instantly. "I do! Me!" they shouted, barely able to control their excitement. Roy smirked, but on the inside he was more than a little relieved. He didn't know what he'd have done if there hadn't been anything interesting to four and five year olds in there. Probably run for his life as they decided to give cannibalism a go…

"Alright then, soldiers," he said. "Go get some firewood!"

"Yes sir!" they chorused in unison, marching out the back door. "Not so fast, Ed," he said, swooping down to hoist him up with one arm. "You need to put some clothes on first."

He walked back to the boy's shared bedroom, the hardwood floor creaking a bit in places. He dumped Edward on the bed nearest the window. "Are your clothes in here?" he asked, pointing to a drawer in the antique mahogany dresser.

"I can get them," Ed said, hopping off of the bed and getting out what he wanted to wear. He got dressed with little difficulty, only needing help once when he put his shirt on backwards (and inside out). When it came to his sandals, though, Edward couldn't get his fingers to manipulate the buckle. After a few minutes of struggling, he sat back, defeated. "Help," he mumbled.

Roy smiled a little and kneeled down, putting the shoe on properly. "There you are, Mr. Elric," he said. "Thank you, Mrs. Elric," Edward replied, grinning. Roy shook his head and laughed.

After a moment, Ed spoke again. "How come I've never seen you before?" he questioned. Roy shrugged. "My parents and I live in Central. We used to come here to visit my grandparents ever summer, but lately we haven't had time. This is the first summer since I was fourteen that we could visit. Last time I saw you, you guys were just babies so it's no wonder you don't remember me."

The little boy frowned. "Can you come visit next summer?"

"I'll try," Roy said, putting his hand on Edward's head, ruffling his hair a bit.

"My dad used to do that," Edward said quietly. Roy got up from the ground and sat next to him on the bed. "Why doesn't he do it anymore?" he asked. Ed was quiet for a moment, then said, "because he left."

Before Roy could say anything, Edward shot up from the bed. "Come on Roy, I wanna make some marshmallows!" He ran out of the room. Roy listened to the pounding of his foot steps until he could no longer hear them. He frowned.

What sort of father left his sons?

He stood up, straightening the quilt. He glanced around the room, around the rest of the house, finally noticing just how… empty it was. His thoughts drifted to Trisha.

What sort of husband left his wife?

He cleaned the kitchen up, throwing the cookies away and whipping up the table and the counter. He glanced out the window, watching the three of them scurry about finding the best kindling that they could.

When Roy finally made it outside, he found that his little charges had indeed been very busy. A great number of twigs and leaves had been gathered a yard or so from the big tree on the lawn. When they saw him coming, they smiled. "Is that enough wood?" Winry asked.

"Yup," Roy said. "How're we gonna make the fire?" Ed asked, eyes wide with curiosity. Roy gave a big grin. "Just leave _that_ to me."

He reached into the pocket of his pants, pulled out a pen, and drew something on his hand. "What's he doin?" Winry whispered in Al's ear. The little boy gave a small shrug, watching. Roy held his hand up and smiled. "You might want to step back," he said.

They didn't move.

He frowned. "Alright, it's your skin not mine…"

He snapped his fingers, creating a good sized fire and a few seconds worth of screams. "How'd you do that?" Al asked, in complete awe. Roy smirked. "It's magic!" He picked up a few sticks and put some marshmallows on them, handing them to the children.

"No it's not," Ed said. "It's alchemy." Roy raised a brow. "How'd you know that?" he asked. Edward rolled his eyes. "The array on your hand," he answered. Roy blinked a few times, wondering how the hell a five year old knew about alchemy.

"You're an alchemist?" Al asked, excited. "Mama said that daddy is too!"

Roy, coming out of his momentary stupor, smiled at Al, then looked back to Edward, wondering what his reaction would be. The young boy didn't seem to be paying attention though. He stared intently into the fire as the flames crackled and popped, consuming his marshmallow.

It wasn't long before someone (Winry) grabbed one from the bag and threw it at someone else, (Edward) hitting him right between the eyes. Soon an all-out, every man for himself, marshmallow war developed.

When they ran out of marshmallows to eat and throw at each other (and put down each other's shirts), Winry noticed it was getting late. "I gotta go," she said. "Mommy said to be back before daddy gets home."

They saw her off at the gate, and Roy was suddenly struck with the realization of just how different it was to grow up in the countryside. In Central, it wouldn't be safe for a little girl to walk down a street alone, but here in Risembool, it happened everyday. He smiled. If it weren't for his friends back home, he'd want to live here too.

"Tag, you're it!" A hand suddenly slapped him on the knee, drawing him from his thoughts. "Huh?" he looked around and saw Edward running up the pathway, sticking his tongue out over his shoulder. "Can't catch me!" he taunted for the second time that day. Roy frowned, then noticed that Alphonse was still standing next to him. "Tag, you're it," he said to the three year old.

Al gasped, tagging him right back. "No, you're it!"

Roy furrowed his brows. "Tag."

"Tag."

"Tag."

"Tag!"

Edward frowned and came back towards them. "I'm playing too, you know!" he pouted. Roy and Alphonse, totally oblivious, continued to tag each other. Edward stormed up to them. "Hey!" Suddenly, as if they had planned it, both Al and Roy reached out and, "You're it!"

They tagged Edward.

Roy laughed and threw Al on his back. "Hang on!" he said. Al giggled as they took off. "No faaaaiiir!" Ed called, trying to catch them.

They ran around and through the house, and after many games of tag (and many _many_ disputes over where the base was) they finally collapsed on the couch, exhausted.

"I won," Ed mumbled, curling up. "Nu-uh," Al yawned. Roy would have retorted that he, in fact, was the victorious one, if he hadn't already fallen asleep.

After a day of running errands, Trisha Elric came home to see three sleeping boys on her couch. Roy was sprawled out the length of it, while Al was tucked between his knees, clutching his pant leg. Ed lay upside down on his stomach, his foot beneath Roy's chin.

She smiled. "Sweet dreams, boys," she whispered and quietly made her way into the kitchen, noticing that it was much cleaner than she had left it. She was touched that Roy had done that for her. Trisha placed her grocery bags on the kitchen table and reached for the phone.

"Hello?" an elderly voice said on the other line.

"Good evening, Mrs. Lambert," she said sweetly. "How are you?"

"Ah, Trisha!" she said. "I'm doing wonderfully. Did my grandson behave? Are you're boys alright?"

Trisha gave a small laugh. "Yes, they're fine. Please tell Melody that Roy learned his lesson," she said, smiling.

"That's good to know. Maybe that boy'll learn to pay more attention when he's driving from now on," she laughed a little. "Send him home then. I'm sure he'll be glad to go back to his regular chores tomorrow."

"Actually," Trisha said as she noticed the open window, "I was calling to ask if it would be alright if he stayed for dinner?" She got up and closed it, coughing under her breath.

"Alright," Mrs. Lambert said. "But only if you make him wash the dishes!" Trisha smiled. "Of course, Mrs. Lambert."

"Well then, goodbye, Trisha," Mrs. Lambert said. "And be sure to stop by and see us sometime this week, I've been in a baking mood."

"I'd love too, thank you," Trisha replied. "Goodbye." She put the phone in its cradle and walked back to the living room, leaning on the door frame. Al sighed a little in his sleep, and Ed rolled over, holding onto Roy's shirt.

This scene looked almost familiar to her.

Trisha smiled and walked back into the kitchen. Those boys needed a good meal after a hard day.

A/N: Epilogue will be up tomorrow. It's written, but I should read it over again…

Thanks so much to all my reviewers. And i,i? Grow up. There's nothing romantic or sexual between them right now. Come on. He's four. rolls eyes Anyway, THANK YOU:D


	4. Epilogue

**A/N: **So here's the last bit of this part. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks so much to **mustanginblue** on lj for betaing this for me, and to everybody who's read/reviewed!

**The Little Problems in Life**  
-_-__Epilogue_--

Last summer Edward, Alphonse, and Winry had spent the majority of their waking hours following, pestering, and playing with their new found, and surprisingly willing, companion Roy. At first Mrs. Elric and the Rockbells had scolded their children for being such a nuisance. After all, who needed a bunch of little monsters bothering them constantly?

But Roy hadn't minded, in fact he'd welcomed the company. They were humorous to listen to, and could even be helpful at times. Over the course of the summer, he'd begun to feel like their older brother and as an only child, that was nice.

The day he left Al and Winry had cried for hours and Edward had sulked off wanting to be alone.

But summer had come again, and the children just knew that he would be coming soon. So everyday, the three of them played outside, watching and waiting.

Finally one day a black car pulled up to the walkway and man clad in blue stepped out and walked toward them. "Hey guys," he said, instantly gaining their attention. They whirled around, the game of House they had (begrudgingly on the boys part) been playing immediately forgotten.

"Roy!" they tackled and hugged him fiercely. Winry wrinkled her nose. "What are you wearing?"

Roy tugged at his jacket. "Oh, this? I'm in the military now…" he drifted off, his voice a little flat. "Father always wanted me to join, so…" He smiled uncomfortably; wearing the expression of a man who'd fought a long hard battle and lost.

Ed grinned. "So now you get to boss people around?" Roy ruffled Ed's hair, something that had become a habit. "Yeah, something like that."

Roy ook a step back. "Listen, I…" he took a deep breath. "I came back to Risembool this summer to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" they asked simultaneously. "You just got here!" Edward shouted.

"I know that," Roy scratched at the back of his head. "But I'm in the military now, I've got to-" he was cut off by their sniffles. "Look, it's not like you'll never see me again. This isn't a _goodbye _goodbye…" He kneeled down to be at eye level with them. "It's more of a, 'I'll see you soon', ok?"

Al and Winry nodded, blinking back tears. "O-ok."

Roy looked to Edward, who had his head bowed. "Ed?" he placed a hand on his shoulder. Edward knocked it away and ran up the hill to his house. "You lied!" he cried. Roy flinched. The accusation cut deep, though he knew it was nothing compared to the pain of a child who now surely felt that the only thing he was fit for was abandonment. He got up to follow, to try and make things right, but the car honked.

"We've got to go, Roy!" a young man in glasses yelled. The driver, a girl with short blond hair, nodded. "We'll miss our train if we stay any longer," she said. Roy gave a curt nod.

He looked back to Alphonse and Winry. "I'll see you guys around, alright?" They nodded and hugged him again. "We'll miss you…" Winry mumbled into his pant leg. Roy smiled sadly. "Yeah, me too… And Al?" Alphonse looked up, wiping at his eyes. "Could you tell Ed… Tell him that I'm sorry for leaving." He said quietly but in his mind added, 'Like your father.'

"Ok," the little boy sniffled.

The car horn sounded again. Roy walked down the path, waved once more, and got in the car.

"Your illegitimate kids or something?" the man asked. "Shut up, Maes," he said. Maes laughed. "Better step on it, Riza," he said. "We might be a little late."

Roy looked at the rear view mirror, watching as the house got smaller and smaller when suddenly, he saw movement. He leaned forward, trying to get a better look, and realized that it was Ed running towards the car.

"Stop!" Roy shouted. "Riza, stop!"

"Mustang, we're going-"

"I said _stop!"_

She stopped.

Edward, nearly out of breath, stopped at Roy's door. He cranked the window down. "Here." The boy handed him something. "I can do alchemy too," Edward said, giving a small smile. Roy looked at the tiny object in his hands; it was a horse made from metal. "I'm gonna want it back," he said gruffly, rubbing at his reddened eyes, "so you'll have to bring it to me."

"Of course, Edward," Roy said. He smiled and whispered, "Goodbye, kiddo."

The little boy shook his head. "Not goodbye. See you soon."

Roy grinned. "Yeah."

Edward stood in the middle of the dirt road, never moving his eyes from the car until he was sure that he couldn't see it anymore.

Soon summer turned to fall, and fall turned to winter. Sometimes it seemed as if only a day or so had passed, and yet another year had arrived. Then another… and another, but Roy never returned.

Edward, Alphonse, and Winry grew and gained new passions. The brothers focused on alchemy, making their mother proud with each passing day, and Winry fell in love with mechanics.

Then tragedy struck the Elric home and the brothers left, leaving nothing behind but the burnt remains of their old home.

**The End.  
**(…of part one.)

A/N: Well, that sort of ended on a sad note. I hope you all enjoyed reading this, and more importantly, I hope you stick around for part two! Leave a review and tell me what you think please. :D

Until next time!


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